As most of you know, we've waited a long time for baby #1, most of which has been our own choice. When we first got married, our greatest fear was having a baby in the first year. I remember making it through month three and breathing a sigh of relief! Then, we made it through college for Allison, and me for seminary. Only when I turned 30 did I start to realize that if we didn't get started soon, I'd be in the nursing home by high school graduation. Now, in our tenth year of marriage, here we are... two months (or so) from parenthood. So... how am I feeling? TERRIFIED!
Don't get me wrong... I love kids. Remember, I taught music nine+ years, and the most fun for me was the relationships with students and fellow teachers (well, most of the time!). But I've ALWAYS been scared of babies. I mean, their necks don't even work! And they POOP in their PANTS! GROSS! However, I do realize that only in the most extreme circumstances is that a permanent feature, and eventually these little wiggleworms do grow to be little boys and girls, which become young men and women. It's just been the baby thing that's terrified me.
I know that I'm weird, but one of the most frustrating things to me is when people say to me, "OOOOOOOHHHHHHH, but you'll LLLLLOVE it!" I think it frustrates me because I'm not really a "feeler". Well, actually, neither me or Allison really are. I know I'll LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOVEEEEE my child, just like I LOOOOOOOOOOOVEEEEEEEEEE my wife, but I'm just not the gushy type. Love is more an action for me than a feeling. As the old DC Talk song proclaims... "Luv is a verb!"
Now, you gushy types out there (and you know who you are), PLEASE don't take this personally. It's just me (and us). I figured out a long time ago that I'm definitely in the minority on this "feelings" thing. Most people are much more emotional than I am (and that is, more than likely, a HUGE understatement). Since I got over the crying fits of my youth, I've always been pretty much on an even keel emotionally. One of the things I ask of all who read this, though is PLEASE, don't tell us how we're going to feel. That really frustrates us. I already know I love my child, and we will love it more and differently than anyone we have ever loved before. But please, let us figure it out, and don't try to read into our responses.
Allison put in the info that much of what we will share will be "tongue-in-cheek." We joke about a lot of things, simply because we don't take OURSELVES that seriously. And that makes our lives a lot more fun together. Actually, the main reason we haven't found out the gender early is that we think it's a lot more fun that way.
We're looking forward to the new adventure we're already on together. We laugh all the time about the crazy things Dukeling does. For the record, I think it's a boy... but we'll find out soon enough.
Thanks for your love and prayers. Pray for us on our new adventure. And yes, we are scared out of our wits.