Nathan [3.0xe]

xe = extra energy

We're glad to see this day, and it's been a busy one. We spent the day getting ready for your party, and then hosted at least 35 of your friends for your party, then Grandma and Grandpa at dinner. Okay, it was more like 13 friends or so, but seriously, I lost count. It was lots of fun, and you're still wound at bedtime.

Three and a half weeks ago, on December 17th, you got your pacemaker. The doctors told us your heart rate was dropping into the 30s overnight, and it was time. You have been so healthy that it's hard to believe that it was happening. You did splendidly through surgery, and have been a pretty good patient in recovery. And you're still proving the health of your lungs consistently.

We have been so loved through your surgery. Our family, church, and friends have all been so great. Through your surgery, Christmas, and now your birthday, you have received so many gifts! We have a insane amount of Cars! You're loving it. It's so fun to watch you play.

You're quite the talker this year. For the most part,  you are very determined to say things correctly, but there are still some really cute things along the way (bomboons= balloons; for a while Pikes Peak was "Pikesom Peak"). True to form for both sides of the family, you are highly opinionated and very strong willed. You're also very strong. It's been hard to keep you on that 5 lb post-surgery weight limit. You just pick stuff up!

You are so loved, my son. Your mom and I are more than blessed to have you. It's been a stressful year, but God is faithful. We know He has big plans for our bionic boy!

We love you. I pray Christ's protection and blessing for your life. I pray you seek Him and make Him your Savior.

I love you, my son.

Katelyn's First Day of School

Dear Katelyn,

I missed your "birthday blog" this year (it was a busy Spring).  You have been 5 for four months now, and I decided to just take care of it today, your first day of Kindergarten. 

You continue to impress and amaze people you meet with your intelligence and sweet spirit.  It has been great fun to see you challenge yourself in recent months, particularly in reading.  We had to make a rule that bedtime stories had to be read TO you, not BY you, simply because you were determined to read the hardest and longest stuff you could find.  The new rule is read to yourself all you want during the day, but bedtime belongs to Mom and Dad.  

You have been so excited to start school.  We told you quite a while ago that Kindergarten belongs to the 5 year olds, so come April 30, you expected to go to school the next week.  So, we had to break the news that it wouldn't start until September.  You were bummed, but always flexible, you went with it. 

Today was the "big day" and it seems like you had a good time.  As you and I were walking to school this morning, you heard a bell ring when we were still a block away and said, "We're going to be late!"  We still had time though. You were your bold little quiet self as you walked into the classroom. I guess it helped that we visited last year's classes a couple of times, so you knew right where to sit on the rug.  And those were some tired eyes when I got home and saw you on the chair, but, as usual, no nap for you.  It will be interesting to see how day 2 goes in that department.  Your mom and I could get used to this earlier bedtime, though.

I'm proud of you, my Sweetness.  You're bright, funny, creative, and beautiful.  I know Jesus has great plans for your life.  I'm thankful that you are beginning to understand God's love at work in you, and believe soon you'll be ready to place your trust in Him. 

We love watching you and Nathan play together.  While you prefer life as a princess, it's fun to watch you play with the boy's stuff, too.  It is wonderful to see your love for one another.  I pray that remains a lifelong bond for you.  

I pray God's continued protection and blessings for you, Katelyn.  He has great plans for you.  Seek Him, love Him, and He will give you all your heart's desires. We live in a hard, dark world, but I see the Lord's beauty in your innocence and sweet spirit.  Allow Him to touch the world with His love through you.

  

"For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart."

Jeremiah 29:11–13 NASB95

Love, 

Daddy

Bikes

"I wan go outside.  Bike.  Red helmet."

So comes the rite of spring this year in Snukeville.  Nathan has always wanted to be outside, which is funny because he was born on the coldest day of winter. But whenever he decides it is the thing to do, don't get in his way.  

I haven't spent a lot of time on my bike the last couple of years, but this year is already starting dramatically differently.  As many of you have noticed, I've been trying to be disciplined about running.  In the meantime, I put Nathan on my bike a few times along the way, and in the process created a monster.  

Katelyn is getting braver on her "big girl" bike.  She was SO excited when we got it last year.  Then, she took one spill and that ended that for the winter.  She was terrified.  Since she's "almost five" we got her back on, and have been coaching her.  Really, it's just conquering the fear since she's on training wheels.  

Several times a week now, we are venturing onto the church parking lot (very conveniently located in our backyard).  Nathan has been toddling along for a few minutes on his balance bike, and Katelyn shaking in fear of falling off her bike, which has yet to happen.  

I am reminded of learning to ride a bike when I was a kid.  My dad was so patient with me, and now I realize he was likely just two steps from knocking my block off.  It's a fun process, but one that is also frustrating.  We're taking a different tactic with Nathan (balance bike) so we'll see how that goes.  It brings much fun, and great family time outside.  And generally a temper tantrum when the party's over.  

Fun days in Snukeville.

 Nathan in his seat on my bike

 Balance bike close-up

 Little man, big dreams

Katelyn learning to be brave

Nathan (2.0)

Dear Nathan,

It hardly seems possible, the fact that you're two years old today.  I know most parents in their right minds who enjoy their kids say that, but it truly is the case.  

As I watch you wander around the living room asking me, "Who's that?" about almost all your toys (but particularly Larry the Cucumber), I am amazed that the little man you are.  You are so intelligent.  You work to master everything you learn.  I wish I had half the drive to learn that you do.  You've begun learning your letters, and along the way you are realizing there are letters everywhere! It was so cute the night you discovered that the funny stuff on the wall in your sister's room were actually letters.  And when you discovered the letters on the various shirts I wear.  It's just so much fun.  

You are SO LOUD! And you always have been, from moment one.  There is nothing quite like having the still of night ripped apart by a wail or a shout from your bedroom.  In some ways, those screeches are a sound of comfort. But not many.  Mostly, it's just loud. Both you and Katelyn have spoiled us by being generally great sleepers.  So good, that on the nights you aren't it is pretty miserable for dear old mom and dad.

I am so thankful for your sweet spirit.  You have been independent from the start, but man... you are a mama's boy! You and your mommy have quite the bond.  I am so thankful for the love you show her.  I pray that bond only grows, and you know just how much you are loved.

It's been a busy year for you.  You learned how to walk.  You've started talking.  You have developed an extreme fondness for VeggieTales (expressed in an awkward bond with a plastic Larry the Cucumber who most often has no eyes.  Seriously dude... it's just a plastic cucumber).  You love music.  You love Frozen.  You love animals.  You love your church and everyone who cares for you.  Your Grandma and Grandpa moved here in March, and that bond has just gotten stronger and stronger.

You and Katelyn are trouble... even now.  It will be interesting to see what you two come up with in the years ahead. I love how you join in on the fun with whatever story she has rolling in her mind.  And by joining in on the fun, I mean you generally body slam a toy (or her), steal a crown ("I King" walking around wearing a princess crown.  Oy), or pull her hair (and when you get caught... you hug her and say "AWW."  Yeah.  We've got you figured out, kid).  Be nice to your sister, Paco.  She's either your best friend or worst enemy!

I am thankful for the sweet boy you are.  I praise Jesus that you are so healthy.  To think back to the time when we were expecting you, and the stress related to your heart issues.  So far, it's just shown itself to be a funky heartbeat.  Your energy is through the roof, and the only trip to the hospital was that time we thought you might have swallowed a battery last Christmas (update... battery was found under last year's Christmas tree... not in your throat).  You are a trooper when it comes to your periodic monitors for the doctors.

I praise Jesus that His grace already shines so brightly in your life.  Most of all I pray that you trust in Christ for salvation and forgiveness early in your life, and that you are a faithful servant of the Most High God.  He has great plans for you, my son.  I pray you live in His grace.

I love you, Nathan.  Our gift.

Dad

Katelyn (4.0)

Hey there Sweetness,

You're 4. Yep. And everyone knows it. You also knew that even though your party was Sunday, you weren't really 4 till today. And you told everyone that, too.

This has been a good year for you, but not an easy one. You're one of the smartest children I've ever known, and I'm not just saying that because you're mine. You're brilliant. A few weeks ago you counted to 100 with only two prompts. You know the location of every state in the Union, and a good number of their names. You know where friends and family live, and if they've moved, you know both locations. You can write your name as clearly as some kids I've seen in 2nd or 3rd grade. You can sing countless songs, and like many American girls, know the Frozen soundtrack better than your parents want you to.

I can show you how to use a phone or tablet app and you figure it out in moments. I have also removed a few because they're too hard, but you will play them till you get angry (they must be conquered). You have grown into quite the creative little girl. And, unfortunately, you seem to have inherited your parents' cleaning habits.

You and Nathan are becoming quite a tandem. I have never seen a time when you can't make him laugh. I love how you care for him. I can't wait to see how your love for each other grows. Recently, your patience with his brotherly antics has been tried a bit. Hopefully your hair will grow back in the spots he's yanked it out. I hope you learn to share at least a little bit along the way.

This year has also brought an entirely new and special level to the term "independent". I must say that my desire for you to live life to the full has backfired a bit sometimes. I think you have a full dose of stubborn from both your parents. Unfortunately I have lost patience more than once. I pray you know that even in the times I seem to lose my temper, you are deeply loved.

You are such a precious, beautiful, intelligent girl. One of the great joys of the last month has been to answer your questions about Jesus' crucifixion. I pray you reach a clear understanding of the Gospel of Jesus and trust Him as your Savior and Lord. I pray you become a living testimony of the hope of His resurrection. I pray that day is soon.

As we get used to having Grandma and Grandpa in town with us, I know there will be a lot of new adventures. We hope to be able to bless you with many great times together.

I'm thankful you're my girl. You are loved by your mom and dad more than you'll ever know.

You're my favorite!

Love, Daddy

Nathan (1.0)

Well, little man, you're a year old. Considering your mom's doctor had never seen a baby with heart block survive pregnancy, you've blown away the odds. And you still are working on that.
You have had a big voice (and a lot to say) since day one. Thankfully, you don't remember your first days. Because I had the flu for the first time in my life, your mom and I were not allowed in the NICU. You were well loved by the nurses, and Grandma, Grandpa, and Katelyn all got to see you. After quarantine was lifted, we all came home to a whole new world.
Quickly, you have blown away the expectations anyone had that you would be slowed down at all. You've been a lean, loud eating machine from day one. You laughed early, and have done your best to be into everything your sister is. Because your mom and I have always been on the slow end of the "baby curve" we had some long nights for a few months. You have become a pretty good sleeper though. Good enough that the times you aren't really make for long nights.
You are strong and smart. You love and trust easily. You LOVE to play. You have a gentle heart... And a bit of a mean streak. And did I mention you can be VERY LOUD?
It's been a busy year for your whole family. When you were just a few weeks old your Gram got very sick, which made for a lot of travel and stress for a few months. She's doing really well now, and lives in Santa Fe near your cousins, who moved there when you were just a couple weeks old. I had a busy year working at the church, and we travelled a lot. You don't really like riding in a car at all. At ALL. We decided after the jillionth trip of the year in October to give you a rest for the rest of 2013. It was much quieter after that. Grandma and Grandpa are frequent visitors, and you always have a ball when they come. You have an awesome mom. I pray you quickly realize how blessed you, we all, are.
It's been a year of firsts for all of us. You are primed for a few more very quickly. It's just a matter of time till you're walking and taking the world by storm. We love you so much and know there are amazing things in store for your life. You're loving, talented, and more amazing all the time.
Because we know people will ask, the most frequent statement we get from our doctors about you and your cool heartbeat is, “no concerns.”
I ask many blessings from God on your life. I pray you trust Him for everything. You are our gift.

Blessings in the flames

Right now there are several wildfires burning in Colorado, threatening and destroying homes and property. The weather forecast today is not favorable to fire-fighting. As I prayed this morning for the rain we so desperately need to put out the fires, I thought about last year. While fire raged in Colorado Springs, devouring hundreds of homes, we gathered with Beth Moore at the World Arena for Living Proof Live. With women in attendance who had already lost everything, we prayed for rain to come and wash out the flames. We prayed earnestly, passionately, boldly, expecting to walk outside later that day and see water pouring from the heavens. But the rain didn't come. I wondered at the time, and I wondered again this morning, why not? I still wonder, but I was reminded of this truth:

Sometimes fire is a gift.

It doesn't seem like it at the time. It often seems like a curse, a punishment, a fiery trial to be endured. And yet, it can be more than that. Fire can refine us, restore us, and reignite us. It reminds us of what is truly important. Fire can take property, mementos, and even lives, but it can't destroy souls. It may forever alter our relationships, but it can't destroy them. In fact, it can mend fractured relationships and even heal broken ones by clearing away so much of what distracts us.

I'm still praying for rain. I'm definitely praying for all those who are putting themselves at so much risk to fight the fires and keep the damage to a minimum. I'm praying boldly, believing, asking for God's mercy to rain down on us. But I'm also reminded that God is sovereign, and He will do what it takes to accomplish His will. He is a consuming fire (Heb. 12:29), and He can bring beauty from ashes (Isa. 61:3).

I'M STARVING!!!

I realized yesterday that many of you are probably wondering "How Nathan is doing." It's easy for us to get lost in our sleep deprived fog. So, I thought we'd let Nathan let you know how things are:

I AM STARVING!!! These "Mommy" and "Daddy" people seem to think it's appropriate to wait TWO minutes for a bottle from the fridge to warm up for me. Don't they know it's been THREE HOURS since I ate? Sometimes they even let me sleep longer than that! You would not believe how empty a baby boy's belly is when that happens. I am WASTING AWAY. And this "big sister" is no help at all. All she does is hug me and stuff. Lame. Sometimes these people even try to stick a torture device called a "pacifier" in my mouth. This deceptive device gives the impression that you could be eating, but there's NO MILK! What good is that?  I'M STARVING!

So, there you have it. Nathan is hungry. All the time. Unless he's asleep.

He really is doing well. Yesterday Allison did the home scale with him, and he weighs 10.5 pounds. That's right. Little man has gained 3 pounds in 5 weeks. So much for starvation. He even gave us 5 hours of continuous sleep last night.

Thanks for your prayers, friendship, and general interest.

Giving

Several of you have mentioned how touched you were by Greg's post on the story behind Nathan's name. I had thought about writing something very similar, but since he beat me (very eloquently, I might add) to the punch, I wanted to share my side.

Nathan is absolutely a gift. He is a gift that we have really come to appreciate in the last week, especially because, due to the flu scare, Greg and I were not allowed to see him during the first few days of his life. Greg got to see him when he was born, but as soon as they realized in the NICU that he was still contagious with the flu, they banned him. I got to see him a little bit later but then late Friday night I started running a fever and I was banned for the next 60 hours or so, until I was totally cleared of any suspicion of having the flu. After spending so much time anticipating and praying for the arrival of our little guy, it was very difficult to know that he was here and yet still not be able to see him or hold him. We had to rely on reports from others to hear that he was doing well, that he was eating, that he was sweet and adorable...all those first moments we had so looked forward to had to wait. Now we are able to empathize in a small way with those parents of preemies and very seriously ill babies who are unable to hold their little ones for months after they are born. As we have since the moment we first knew about Nathan's existence, we continued to trust him to the hands of God and of others while we waited to hold him ourselves. Finally, on Monday we both were cleared to see him and on Tuesday we brought him home. So far, he seems to be doing very well, acting like a normal baby despite his "little heart problem."

As Greg wrote, Nathan means gift, and for as long as we have known what his name would be, we have held it like a promise. But sometimes a gift works two ways. He is God's special gift to us, and we are so thankful for every single moment of his sweet life. Not only that, he is a gift that we have an opportunity to give back to God every day. This child was formed with a unique combination of our DNA (which somehow turned out pretty darn cute, thankfully!) and was given to us to love and cherish and raise, but ultimately, he is not ours. From the beginning, and especially once we discovered his heart block, we gave him, his health, and his future, to God. We continue to do that. We believe that God has a purpose for this child, just as He does for every child. God has already used Nathan in our lives and in many of your lives as well, to teach us faith that overcomes obstacles, peace in the midst of chaos, and the simple, everlasting truth that God is always good. We are thankful for the gift that he is, and we will continue to give him to God every day. We hope that you will join us.

A Gift

Receiving something you don't deserve is called a "gift." Often we don't recognize the gifts that are plopped in our laps. Less often we name our gifts long before we ever receive them.

Three years ago, we were planning for the arrival of our first child, and had a complicated time picking names. I don't know if you have ever noticed, but both of us have pretty strong opinions. There were names that one of us liked and the other vetoed without a thought.  We did easily determine we would use the middle name to honor special people in our lives. One day a couple of months before our first was born, Allison walked into my office and wrote down a boy name and a girl name on a tiny post it note.  The choices were made, and we both were happy.

We didn't find out the gender of our first, so we were as surprised as you when Katelyn Ashley was born.  There was no spiritual significance to the name, which is the American derivative of a classic Celtic name meaning "pure." It does fit.  Katelyn is "pure" in many ways, mostly in love and joy. Her middle name is in honor of Allison's best friend, who basically set us up. We think it has worked out alright.

When #2 started along, we had many intentions of repeating our pattern, and we did come up with a new girl name. The boy name had been set. No going back.  As most of you know, at 20 weeks we learned that we would be seeing a lot more of Dukeling part deux.  We had informed the ultrasound techs that we didn't want to know the gender.  Things rolled smoothly until one of the few sonograms Allison attended by herself. Apparently the tech lost her notes and said, "Well, he's really showing off his boy parts today! But then, he always is." (A bit of an exhibitionist apparently. Allison said NOTHING and we never told her she gave it away. She did it again in my presence a few weeks later.)  Anyway, when Allison came home she asked me if I would want to know certain information if it had become known. It was funny.

A while later she sent me a message and asked me if I remembered what Nathan means.  I replied immediately "Gift." And then I checked to make sure I was right.  We didn't put much thought into the meaning when the name was chosen three years earlier, but with everything that was happening, it took on even more special significance. Since that day, I have thanked the Lord for this special new gift.

It would be easy to be fearful and resentful of the issues that face this young new life.  The cardiologist confirmed yesterday that our baby has "complete heart block," which means the AV node in the heart isn't working and the top and bottom halves are completely out of sync.  Without miraculous intervention, he will likely need a pacemaker before adulthood. That means no roughhousing, no WWE reenactments, and no football. (With his gene pool, those things probably wouldn't have lasted long anyway.)

I am reminded that we don't always get what we think we want in a gift. We do receive the stewardship of making the most of what we receive.

Nathan Danny. We have been promised great things in this beautiful new baby boy. His very name, I believe, is prophetic. We did not choose it to be profound; we chose it because we like it. His name was set three years ago, not knowing if we would ever have a son. He is our gift. We don't know what the future holds, but he is that future. He carries the name of my dad, his grandfather who, fittingly it seems, battled heart problems much of his life.  And he will carry the name well.

I love you, my son.

Dad

Announcing...

Nathan Danny Duke
Born January 11 at 12:07 p.m.
7 lbs 10 oz, 20.5 inches

Mom and baby doing okay. More info and pics to come. Thanks for your prayers!

Merry Christmas to all!

I know, Christmas is over and done with and all that, but I do want to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Or Happy Holidays. Or something like that.

We had a really lovely Christmas. My Mom and Dad came up from New Mexico, and we had our "traditional" Duke Christmas Eve dinner: Green chile stew, tortillas, tamales, chips and salsa, and rice and beans.  Yummy.  And definitely over my carb limit.  Our Christmas dinner was much more diabetic-friendly, with a lovely beef rib roast, cranberry-pear salad, green bean casserole, and yummy little cream cheese and bacon-filled crescent rolls.  I spent a lot of time in the kitchen and wore myself out pretty well, but I love cooking so I was happy.

Katelyn made out like a bandit on Christmas morning.  She was very blessed with many gifts from many people, and she spent most of the day playing with all the Play-doh, Duplos, sticker books, and other goodies that she received.  Perhaps her favorite was her new Rapunzel doll, "Blondie," which was the last thing she was playing with at the end of the day, and the first thing she hunted for this morning.

Our white Christmas was pretty, while it lasted.  We got a little dusting of snow that had melted by the end of the day, despite the fact that the temperature never rose much above 20 degrees.  It was nice to stay warm inside and enjoy everyone's company.

Katelyn loves everything about Christmas.  She loves the lights, the trees, Santa, reindeer, and especially the baby Jesus.  I love watching her innocent delight in the season.  I've always loved Christmas, too.  This year, I especially love the opportunity to be with those we love and give gifts in honor of the gift that God gave the world: the Savior, Christ the Lord.

We had an appointment today and everything is still okay with Dukeling2.  We're counting down the time until we get to meet our new little one in just a few weeks.  Thank you for all the continued prayers!

The Old Normal

There are moments in life that are hard to ignore. Our family has had plenty of excitement this year, but thankfully this past month has been a bit calmer than the previous two. If you're a regular Herald-Gazette reader, you'll know that October and November did not qualify in the "calm" category. Dukeling2 has already brought plenty of action to Snukeville. Lately, we've been on the road weekly for doctor appointments in Colorado Springs. Blissfully, the product of those trips has been rather dull.

Baby's heart rate is right where they want it to be, so we are on schedule for January arrival.  We haven't done much to the house in prep for the new bundle of joy. Actually, there isn't a lot to change; we're still in diaper mode for Katelyn, so life won't change much there. We do know that our sleep schedule will once again be turned upside down.  Allison is officially TBP (tire of being pregnant), but really that happened at about twelve weeks along. Never having experienced the "wonder," all I can do is be the intentionally patient expectant father.

Yesterday, I had one of those moments in life where I could only appreciate the current circumstances knowing that things are about to get much more exciting.  About mid-evening, I was reading a book and noticed the pleasantness of the status quo.  Katelyn was playing with a puzzle, Allison was working on a Christmas treat in the kitchen, and it hit me that this wouldn't be "normal" much longer.  So, I thanked the Lord for that special moment. 

One of the things I have worked hard to be is content in the present.  Truth is, our life right now is pretty good. For the last 2 2/3 years, we have experienced the joy of being the parents of a sweet, silly only child.  I really have enjoyed this stage of normalcy.  Katelyn is (almost) pure joy. She entertains herself easily, and is always surprising us with the next thing she learns.

Now, normal will change.  The next month will bring a new little human to Snukeville. So, I am working to be content in this moment, simply because it will be different soon. 

I don't really have anything profound to say or report.  I am just thankful that God has given us this special time with a special girl. His promise is that His plans for us give us hope and a future.  But there is something about appreciating the present.

Just a few seconds ago, Katelyn crawled into my lap to snuggle up while watching "Winnie the Pooh." She knows there's a baby in Mommy's belly, but she really has no clue how her life will be altered when the baby shows up.  So now we love on her, because all she knows is "right now." And I am happy to be her daddy.

 

"Give thanks in everything, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:18 HCSB

Finally, an update!

Hi everyone! So sorry I haven't updated in a couple of weeks! The holidays are in full swing, and things are just a little chaotic at this time of year, even without considering everything going on in our lives right now.  There was a time when women went into seclusion for the last half of pregnancy.  That doesn't seem like such a bad idea at the moment.  I do not have the energy or the holiday spirit to keep up with all the various social events and other obligations we have going right now, and yet we're just as caught up in the holiday whirl as any of the rest of you crazy people!  I suppose it's probably fun and that's why we do it, right?

We had an appointment in Colorado Springs and saw the fetal cardiologist.  He confirmed what he suspected at our last appointment with him, which is that the baby's heart block is a 2nd degree block instead of a complete block, which is how he diagnosed it at first.  A 2nd degree block is not as bad, and as long as that heart rate stays in the "safe zone" he's pretty optimistic about the baby's chances for a fairly normal start to life.  A pacemaker is still likely at some point down the road. 

It looks like we're going to be making weekly trips to Colorado Springs until this baby comes (probably only about 6 weeks from now!)  Of course that means more expenses for gas, etc., and more juggling schedules to get Katelyn to and from where she needs to be, around all these appointments.  Just a few more things to add to the chaos of the Christmas season, no big deal!  Also, I don't like the doctors in Colorado Springs as well as I like my doctor here in Pueblo, which is something of an additional strain on me.  I've struggled with my attitude, particularly regarding food, as I munch on celery and hummus instead of the massive piece of chocolate cake and the Chick-fil-A Peppermint Chip milkshake that I really want.  So if I've been crabby and snapped at any of you, I apologize and I hope you'll forgive both past and future occurrences. 

Please continue to pray for our baby's health, our sanity, and our finances.  Know that we are still so thankful for all the prayers and love that have been poured out on us already.  We are looking forward to a few weeks from now, when we get to hold this sweet blessing from God in our arms!

With humble thanks

We have been so humbled and thankful for all of the prayers and expressions of love and support since I posted the blog about our baby last week (in case you missed it, you can read that post here).  I'm going to really try to post some sort of update each week, even if it's just to say "nothing has changed, but please keep praying!"  We know that God hears and answers the prayers of His people, and we are thankful for this opportunity we have to share what He is doing in our lives.

We are seeing doctors every week right now, alternating between Colorado Springs and Pueblo.  This week I saw my doctor in Pueblo, and everything still looks as good as it can at this point.  The baby's heart is still beating in what we're calling the "safe" range, growing and developing normally, (except of course for that heart issue that has everyone so concerned), and there is no fluid buildup to cause any concern for the baby's well-being at this point.  The baby is still very active, which is great but somewhat uncomfortable for me!  The doctor was also pleased enough with my blood sugar numbers that I only have to test every other day now.  That is good because those testing supplies are expensive!  I'm still on a very carb-restricted diet, and still trying to figure out how to eat enough food while limiting my carbs.  I've taken it on as a challenge, and I know I can be a little scary when I'm working on a challenge, so my apologies to anyone who is tired of hearing me talk about food and how many carbs are in everything!

So, nothing has changed, but please keep praying!  The cardiologist in Colorado Springs has told us not to expect any improvement, because that's not likely from a medical standpoint.  I guess that means that no change is a good thing.  It means that the problem hasn't gotten worse.  Of course we know that God is capable of anything, and from that viewpoint, we are actually hoping and praying for things to get better.  We are thankful to have such a large network of people praying for this baby, and we hope that God blesses each of your lives as you seek His face and grow in Him.

Unexpected twists

Sometimes life takes a turn you never expected. We’ve all experienced it; we're going along, living and doing and planning for the future and then, “Wha…?” God throws something into the path that shakes us to our core. It could be a major test of faith, spiritual warfare, or simply the result of being sinful people living in a sinful world. No matter the cause or the reason, the way we react to these events shows us, and the people around us, what kind of people we are, and what kind of faith we walk in. God knows these things; these tests, trials, and crises do not happen so that we can prove ourselves to Him. But sometimes, we need to know exactly what kind of people He has made us to be.

If you haven’t already heard the news, I am almost 30 weeks pregnant (that’s 7 1/2 months, if you don’t want to do the math). We haven't said much about it online because we've been having some issues. After our routine 20-week ultrasound, our doctor referred us to a maternal-fetal medicine specialist, because the baby had an irregular heartbeat and he wanted to be sure there was no reason for major concern. Over the course of several appointments over several weeks, we learned that our little baby has a rare and serious heart problem known as a heart block. This means that the electrical systems that connect the various parts of the heart are there but not working, which means that the various chambers, particularly the top and bottom of the heart, are functioning but can’t communicate with each other, so they’re completely out of rhythm. It is an electrical problem that can cause all sorts of complications, and will mostly likely require a pacemaker at some point in this child’s life. Of course, before that can happen, we’ve got to get this baby safely delivered into the world, so we’re being monitored frequently to make sure that the heart is still working and the baby is still growing. In other words: lots of visits to doctors in Pueblo and Colorado Springs, lots of ultrasounds, lots of expenses, and the potential for lots of worry.

If you’ve ever been in the unenviable position of hearing that there is something wrong with your baby and that if all does not go well, the baby could die, you may have some idea of what we’ve experienced in the last ten weeks. It has not been fun or pleasant. I freaked out for about a week and was really starting to fall apart emotionally, when God stepped in and we had to have a very serious discussion. I realized that I could choose to spend the second half of my pregnancy as an emotional basket case, doubting God’s wisdom and power, and grasping at anything I could find for help and support, or I could stop just saying that I trust Him and actually trust Him, and lean on Him for strength. At that moment, I decided to trust. It has not been easy. In the weeks since then, we’ve discovered that there are antibodies in my blood that have attacked the baby’s heart and caused this problem. Because I was having trouble with dizziness and other symptoms, I’ve had to have my own cardiology workup. Everything seems okay with my heart, but I’ve also been diagnosed with gestational diabetes, so I have that on my plate (and significantly less carbs, my favorite, on my plate!) as well. It has not been an easy road, and it right now, it doesn’t seem likely to get any easier. Still, there are bright spots: so far, the baby’s heart is working about as well as we could hope for, and everything except that heart problem, including growth rate and fluid level, keep looking good. We have seen some great doctors, and we get to see our little baby on ultrasounds at least every two weeks. And in case you’re wondering, even with all the peeks, we still haven’t found out whether it’s a boy or a girl – really!

A question that we get asked fairly frequently is, “How are you doing?” And I can honestly say that we’re doing okay. We’re not in denial, and we do understand the serious situation we’re in. There are moments when everything gets pretty overwhelming. Still, I believe with all my heart that God is good, He is faithful, and He is great. We feel a little like what Paul described in 2 Cor. 4:8-9, "We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed." God is upholding us with His strength as we walk this unexpected twist in life’s road. And He has prepared us for this. Over the years, He has blessed me with absolute, unshakable faith in the eternal, unchanging goodness of His character, His love for His children, and His power to work out any situation for His glory and my good. I don’t know what He will do with this situation and this baby, but I trust Him. Greg and I have had plenty of conversations about it, and I know he feels the same way.

So, what do we need? Prayer. If you have a relationship with our God and Savior, please pray that the baby will continue to grow strong, that the heart rate will stay within the “safe” range rather than the “scary” range, and if you’re feeling really bold, pray that God will go ahead and flip that switch to get everything working correctly. We are believing that He will supply all our needs, according to His riches in Christ Jesus (Phi. 4:19). What we don't need: sympathy, excessive hugs, and questions about how things are going. We don't have many answers, but we know that God does.  We want this unexpected twist to become a great story all about the greatness of our God. We will update this blog as we have time and opportunity, but meanwhile we want to thank all our friends for standing and praying with us in this interesting season.

Adoration

Katelyn is in such a precious stage right now. Oh, there are certainly moments when she shows a stubborn, almost devious side that makes me want to scream, but for the most part she is just such a sweet, happy, lovable little girl.  She pursues everything in life with wild abandon. She loves her toys, her ABCs, her crayons...and most of all, her family.  If Greg or I come into a room after being gone for a few minutes or a few hours, we can count on hearing a gasp and an excited, "Mommy!" or "Daddy!" while she runs toward us with an enormous smile and arms upraised for a big hug.  I never have to wonder whether or not my daughter adores me.  Seriously, does it get any better than that?

I know this won't last forever.  As we grow we learn self-control, and while I'm sure I'll appreciate that in some areas of Katelyn's life, I know there will come a time when I will miss that wild adoration.  Someday I'll have to settle for an occasional quick hug and maybe a kiss on the cheek.  We grow up to me such mannerly, reserved, stoic people, compared to what we were like when we were kids.  For the most part, I think that's a good thing.  But I wonder if maybe we should show a little abandon and adoration from time to time?

"One day some parents brought their little children to Jesus so he could touch and bless them. But when the disciples saw this, they scolded the parents for bothering him. Then Jesus called for the children and said to the disciples, 'Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children. I tell you the truth, anyone who doesn’t receive the Kingdom of God like a child will never enter it.'" (Luke 18:15-17, NLT)

"For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God. So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, “Abba, Father." For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children." (Romans 8:14-16, NLT)

As I was thinking about sweet Katelyn last night, these verses popped into my head, and I thought about how we typically approach God: perhaps gathered together in a traditional worship service, in our particular seats, half-heartedly singing old hymns and letting our minds wander to what's for lunch while we politely bow our heads for prayer; or maybe dozing off through our Bible reading before offering some variation of the same prayer we pray every day either when we get up in the morning or before we go to bed; or maybe even approaching God with some trepidation and doubt about whether He'll even hear us, because He is this great, holy, important, powerful being and who are we, really, to bring our petty concerns to Him?  And I wondered if maybe sometimes God wishes we would show a little wild, abandoned adoration.

Well, of course we can't run to God with arms outstretched, shouting, "Daddy!!"  Or can we?  After all, thanks to the price Jesus paid on the cross, we who are led by His Spirit are not fearful slaves but His own children.  He stood in the gap between sinful mankind and a holy God so that we could come to Him as children.  That is the sweet, rich, pure love that He showed for us.  Why would we think that we must always show our love to Him in ways that are unemotional, respectful, traditional, and maybe just a little hesitant?  Last night, as I pictured the ways we so often show our love for God versus the way Katelyn demonstrates her love for me, only one of those pictures brought me to tears.

I don't know about you, but I want God to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I adore Him.  And if that means going a little wild from time to time, I think He might be okay with that.  In fact, maybe it would really touch His Father's heart.

Ponies!

Katelyn is definitely a girl after my own heart. During a trip to Big R today, we told her she could pick one critter from the rack of Schleich plastic animals. She considered several horses and then settled on a cute little gray spotted pony. Greg suggested naming the pony Duchess but after I pointed out that it is clearly a boy pony, we decided to go with Gus. I just thought it was great that out of all the animal options, Katelyn definitely wanted a horse. That's my girl.

This afternoon, I watched I'll Have Another win the Preakness Stakes, the second jewel of the elusive Triple Crown, by a neck. What an exciting race!! I am eagerly anticipating watching him run the Belmont next month, and hoping that after 34 years we'll finally have another Triple Crown winner. I've always loved horses and horse-related sports (except for polo, which I've never really understood). Greg does not share my love for horses at all, although he did get pretty excited while we were watching that race earlier. Anyway, it's nice to hope that maybe Katelyn will share my love and appreciation for all things horsey as she grows up.

Dear Katelyn (2.0)

Today is your second birthday. I don't know how much of it you'll remember, but it has been a great weekend. On Saturday we met your cousins' family in Denver for an awesome time at Lego KidsFest; I wasn't sure we would get Ryan and Uncle Jamie out of there without calling security. You and Emily had a blast going from station to station looking at and playing with things. You really liked the Duplos, and thought Lego Friends were almost as cool as Megan did.  The big hit for everyone was Lego Lightning McQueen!

After a fun day in Denver, we headed home to Pueblo where we hosted Uncle Jamie, Aunt Melissa, Emily, Ryan, and Megan overnight so Jamie could preach in our church on Sunday morning.  We had a great birthday lunch after church, and sang "Happy Day to You" (as you like to sing) many times over.  You were so brave and cute as the "other" Dukes headed home after lunch (no crying at all), and you headed to your nap.  After your nap, you looked out the door and said, "All done, Rynan."  I guess you knew that they really did go home.  We went for a walk with Rusty and Lucy, and then headed to bed.

Today, we woke up to a beautiful day in Pueblo.  Your mom and I spent a lot of the day planning for your party this evening, and I think you knew it!  You ate WAY too much ice cream at Sam's Club, and this evening, we hosted your friends Bethany, Matalyn, Ava, and AJ for your "official" birthday party over at the church.  A few more friends had planned to come, but other things came up.  After the party, we talked to Gram on the phone, and Grandma and "PawPaw" sang "Happy Birthday" to you before you went to bed.  Your mom said you didn't want to go to sleep, and that you knew a special day was coming to an end. And so, the three-day birthday has come to a close (although I've heard rumors of cupcakes tomorrow at Mom's Day Out).

It is hard to believe that you are two years old.  I am thankful for the joy and fun you bring to your lives.  I pray that your cheerful, generous spirit follows you throughout your life.  I am continually amazed at how smart you are.  I don't know anyone who doesn't "just LOVE" you.  We are so fortunate that we have so many friends and family that give so much to us.

I pray daily that you will trust Christ as Lord of your life.  I know you are smart, and I know you hear us talk of Jesus.  I can't control what you believe, but I do pray that my life is a testimony of God's grace and love for you through Jesus.  I wonder what you "will be" when you grow up.  Sometimes, I even wonder who you will marry (if I let you get married).  You are so bright, talented, and kind-hearted.  I pray that Jesus is number One in your life for eternity.

Thank you for blessing my life, my precious, beautiful little girl.  May the Lord protect you and guide your life in His grace.  May my life be a testimony of His love for you.

Love,
Daddy

Jesus Loves Me, part 2

We've been singing "Jesus Loves Me" at bedtime with Katelyn since we started her bedtime routine.  For awhile now I've had a suspicion that she knows the song, but was content to let us sing it for her. In the past week, I noticed that while she was playing, she'd start saying, "Jesus...Yes!" and wondered if she might be singing the song herself. Then she other night, she actually sang parts of it with us at bedtime, and then insisted that we sing it several more times with her. Then last night, after we sang it, she said, "Pay!" a few times, but we couldn't figure out what she meant.

This morning, Katelyn was playing downstairs and saying, "Yes, Jesus!" and signing "Bible," so I sang the song for her with the motions that we always do. Afterward she said "Pay!" again, and I realized she was saying "Pray," because we always pray after we sing at bedtime. So I went over, held her hands, and said a little prayer with her. She finished with a happy "Amen!" and left me with a lovely, thankful feeling in my heart. She may not quite understand why we sing about Jesus and pray, but I'm thrilled that for now, she is enjoying the process. And I am also thankful that Jesus does love her, and loves all of us, even though we can never completely understand why.

In this week leading up to Easter, what are some ways that you have been reminded to thank Jesus for His love? What are some things your children have done lately that have left you with a happy, thankful heart?